Looking beyond the “I Am”

Questioner:  Hello.  I have a question in regards to this quote:

If necessary, discard the words “I Am.” Even without the words you know that ‘You are’. Do not say or even think that ‘You are’. Just be aware of the Presence without thinking about it. ~Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

Lately it’s been hard for me to get into the “I Am” state of being.  I’ve been there before for short periods of time but recently it’s been a little difficult to get back to that.  I feel like I’m just identified with my person identity.  

Agnisattva: The “I Am  state” is just another state.  And like any other state it arises, stays for a while and moves on.  To try and stay in the “I Am state” indefinitely is like wanting to stay in the dream state indefinitely.  What you are is That which is aware of the coming of any state and its departure.  

The feeling of being identified with the personality is being observed by That which is beyond the personality.  In moments of silence the mind will quiet down and That will shine on its own accord.  

Questioner: Thank you, I’ll meditate with that in mind.  I have a another question:

if we are already enlightened/free or whatever you want to call it and it’s only our illusion that we are in bondage, what does it take to realize that? And if it’s the “me” the mind that is bondage then who is it up to, to make the realization?

Agnisattva: The answer lies within the question itself:  “if we are free…”  this “if” is key for it is pointing out the fact that the entire spiritual system for us is still just a possibility and not something we feel is a living reality.   A wave goes around saying “if it’s true that I Am water what must I do to know it?”  All the while being that which it seeks.

This “if” should be investigated.  This voice which asked “if I am truth what do I do to know it?” Needs to be looked into.
For is not that which you seek taking place in the presence that you are?

Questioner: I just don’t know what I’m missing.  In a way are you saying that there is nothing to realize? If I’m the wave that’s also the water I needn’t do anything but be as I am, if it’s the same for me and there’s nothing for me to do, am I supposed to just keep going through life as I am right now?

Agnisattva: It’s not a question of doing or not doing.  It’s a question of getting to an understanding of that “I” which wants to do or not do.  The problem that has arisen for you is a problem of expectation.  You have so many ideas and expectations about what you feel awakening and being fully established in the Self means. these ideas and expectations are in the way.

We do not see our current experience as Divine for we are comparing our current experience with an idea we think an enlightened experience should be.  We expect being awake to fit our ideas of what being awake is.  And as long as we continue to hold such ideas, we will continuously move in circles.

You’re resisting a non doing approach for so much of life is spent doing.  We strongly feel that what we do not personally do ourselves can not happen.
Yet, there are also those who feel that non doing is the only way and they reason that  because truth is here now why must we do something to attain it…?

Both approaches are merely the mind trying to stay in control.  For the “I” which begins this journey is not the “I”  which will end it.  This “I” is ended by the journey itself.

The method is to investigate this voice which is trying to understand.  This voice which wants to realize truth is what?  Is this one not just another thought.   Focus not on doing or not doing but focus on the doer or nondoer itself and see if this one has any reality.

Questioner: I feel that I’m just complicating something that’s not complicated haha! Maybe my mind is just acting as if it’s figuring something out just to stay alive.  I’ll take what you said and sit with it and let it resonate. Thanks for your words and guidance.



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