Questioner: There is objects, and also that which knows objects the awareness. But am I even that awareness? Seems like both objects and the seeing of objects appear ‘in’ me …
Agnisattva: This is a beautiful insight and one that arises out of true meditative inquiry as oppose to mere philosophical speculation.
Awareness is one of our most subtle and most intimate of tools. For wherever this awareness goes we say “I.” When awareness touches an object we say “I have experienced such and such.” Yet, you bring up a subtle discovery: is not even this awareness happening in my presence?” Am I not aware of even awareness itself?
Nothing that can be pointed to is what you are, for you are not an object that can be experienced. To come to the true discovery of what you are will not be a discovery of one thing discovering another. It will not be some event. The recognition is of That eternal unspeakable presence that is Already here as you are.
Continue to discard any and all thoughts, feelings, and sensations for none of these can define you. In this way you will come to That which cannot be denied or rejected. And That is what is here, now.
Questioner: Some say that it is awareness that is aware of itself, while others say that there is a Parabrahman meaning a self that isn’t awareness but beyond it. Which one is true?
Agnisattva: This isn’t so much a question of who is right as much as it is a question of terminology. But angles are correct when understood properly. If what you mean by “awareness” is that pure non objectifiable presence that you are, then it is right to say that this awareness is aware of itself by virtue of being aware.
For example, you cannot see your eyes directly but by the light of your eyes you can see the world. Although you cannot directly see you eyes, you know your eyes are there by virtue of the fact that you can see.
Now, if by awareness you mean that tool within the being that functions and itself is perceivable, then this awareness cannot be what you are by virtue of the fact that you are aware of it leading to the statement of you being That which is beyond awareness itself.
Questioner: Here you are referring to two, awareness and that which is beyond. Although isn’t it just awareness itself that knows that it is aware? Like the sun illuminates just by being itself
Agnisattva: I referred to two things to show how depending on the definition one has the understanding of the terms themselves will vary.
Now, if the position you are taking is that awareness is what you are, then this awareness cannot be aware of itself directly as on object of awareness. The eyes can see many things but they cannot see themselves. They can only know themselves indirectly by virtue of seeing. Similarly awareness cannot know itself as an object of knowledge for if it could we will end up with a regression ad infinitum. For the question can always be asked “if awareness knows itself, what knows that awareness knows itself?”
And these sorts of questions go no where. More important then trying to intellectually figure out what awareness is is to discover yourself as That itself. For, the mind will continue to throw seemingly important questions your way to distract you from your true discovery. You can never “know” the answers to these questions. Instead, You are the answer to such questions.
Questioner: Yeah, I know that awareness can’t know itself as an object, only indirectly as the fact that it is aware of all objects. Anyway I agree this is just philosophy rather than experience, so its irrelevant.